Des Bishop-review

Image:www.watoday.com

O’Flaherty Theatre, 19/09/2011

      As droves of students piled into the O’Flaherty theatre on Monday night, the air of anticipation was tangible. There was a clear sense that this gig was a prelude to the antics of the night which would follow later. One thing was absolutely certain: this crowd wanted to laugh, they were eager to be entertained and Mr Des Bishop certainly delivered. Welcomed on stage by the sound of hundreds of hands beating desks, Des must have sensed it was going to be a good show.

     The room was full to the brim with people who he described as a “comedy gift from Heaven”.  Being Freshers’ week, first years were everywhere. Within minutes one such gift was discovered right under his nose. A fresher from Ballygar was the source of a litany of jokes: from his B.I.S degree, which in his words was like a BCom degree with a “bit” of I.T (a description which Des referred to as like having a little “bit” of salt with your chips), to the necessity to find him a good camogie playing partner with whom to create a bright GAA future for Ballygar! This poor bloke provided Des with inspiration the whole way through! On the upside Des kindly obliged him by introducing him to some lovely girls. These poor girls were hauled from the back as penalty for their late arrival, recreating that cringe-worthy moment when you’re late for mass and some well-meaning individual “kindly” points out a couple of seats free up front. Suddenly all eyes are on you as you plod red faced up the aisle!

     Entertaining a crowd of young impressionable college students, Des was aware of the unique opportunity to pass on some hard earned wisdom from his time in college. Arts students, he proclaimed should prepare for one question that would define the rest of their college days and beyond, “And what exactly do you hope to do with that? Become a librarian?” Yet more importantly, a real pearl of wisdom which should adorn the Freshers’ packs of all colleges, “Sex is not like the C.A.O, there’s no change of mind form!” While we were initially eased into what was to be a rightly entertaining hour (and a bit) there was one thing that Des really wanted to talk about: His balls. 

     Yep, that’s right balls! Dressed in navy skinny jeans and blue shirt Des was certainly looking well. Indeed he looked the picture of health, which says a lot about his balls. “Men’s health” was the clear theme to the show, so Des told us the story of how his two balls suddenly became one ball. How one ball lost his best friend and how the landscape of Des’ manhood (later eloquently referred to as “wrinkled turkey gizzard sack of love!”) changed for life. At the ripe old age of 24, Des found a lump on one of his testicles. After a consultation with a good friend who had been cured of the same disease and coercing an even better friend to firstly examine his own balls and then examine Des’ balls (yes, it was apparently very awkward!), Des decided that it was time to get sorted. The operation was a total success and today Des could be a pin up for men’s health promotion. Despite an offer from the surgeon, his remaining ball’s best friend could not be replaced by a silicone substitute but Des sufficiently reassured us that everything is in perfect working order! So guys check your balls! (Preferably in private, this doesn’t licence you to walk around with your hands down your pants!)

     Des’ comedy flowed very naturally. He seemed to enjoy the gig almost as much as the audience. He kept the crowd laughing by leaping from men’s health, to men’s grooming habits (down there!) and female over use of fake tan, resulting in what looks like “the shroud of Turin” on the bed sheets the morning after! The serious message of men’s health promotion was punctuated with hilarious moments like the “comedy lapdance” he gave to a girl who’s red hair brought out the Gaeilge in him. Honestly, I’ll certainly never think about Irish in the same way. I never thought I’d hear the words “An bhfuil tú fluiche anois?” I guess that’s the joy of a Des Bishop gig: he’s a comedian, an entertainer, a human beat box and he really gives a damn about his audience.

     Testicular cancer wasn’t the only men’s health topic on the agenda. He gave a prophetic warning to the all the men in the audience that at some stage their manhood might refuse to “perform”, particularly when they might need it most. The taboo topic of erectile problems was thrown out there so if or when that day arrives, the men of Ireland will know it’s not unusual and it’s no big deal. Oh and by the way girls, be assured it’s nothing to do with us so never utter the words “what’s wrong with me?” because Des has confirmed 100% that the answer is nothing at all!

     So if that moment should befall you, don’t panic! There’s nothing wrong with either of you and hey, if all else fails, Des tells us there’s a “reset button” but I’ll allow ye to ponder over that one...